Super Heroes and Stalkers are Killing the Mood

I wrote an article today about the unrealistic expectations that women have for their men and their relationships, because of Superman, Edward Cullen and romance novels. I love the names of the romance novels out today. They entertain me as much as the titles that I pass on the Dish menu, usually on Juicy TV. They usually incite me to yell into the kitchen, “Honey, wanna watch Ass Parade: Threesomes after dinner?” Romance novel titles like Sleeping with the Enemy’s Daughter and She’s Got Balls just crack me up. I kid you not! These are the names on the 2009 Best Selling Books listed on Allromanceebooks.com.
While I was out on my journey of discovery, regarding women who don’t appreciate what they have, I discovered cracked.com and this fantastic article about romance novels. Women today have no idea what they want in a man. Believe me I have been researching this article for days, reading a ton of articles on whether women want to be thrown up against a wall while having their shirts torn off, want an effeminate man who always does what she says and has no power, or just a guy. A good old football watching, probably doesn’t pay enough attention to his girlfriend, “man’s man”. Somewhere between Superman and that creepy stalker, Edward Cullen, real guys got  a honey-do list they will never be able to complete…
  • Keep your body perfect and chiseled. This may include sparkling in the sun. (rather than bursting into flames? wtf Steph? Vamps explode in the sun.)
  • Appear around a corner every time I need saving. You must know when this is without me asking nor hinting at needing assistance. But don’t stalk me, ’cause that’s creepy… unless your a Cullen.
  • Talk about our relationship in terms of lifetimes, none of this living in reality business. You want me now, you want me in the afterlife.
  • Possess the ability to make me wet with a single glance (even if you are a total ass most of the time).
You must do all this and be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, while secretly laughing at me because it’s really you disguised as the normal, red blooded American reporter that I keep turning down. Superman has led Lois on for 73 years. Give up, Bitch! Buy Clark a pair of contacts, ask him to do a little role-playing, and you got yourself a Superman.
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One Comment to “Super Heroes and Stalkers are Killing the Mood”

  1. Loved the article. I understand that romance novels fulfill and base, unrealistic need. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. But I certainly don't expect my husband to be the guy on the covers. One thing we take very seriously is we both have to STATE our needs. No mind reading, no hinting, or telling your friends what you wish s/he would do. You want something for your birthday, need emotional support about something, just want to bitch and have him/her NOT fix it, then you have to TELL them or stop bitching when you hint and they don't respond the way you wanted them too. That sets up unrealistic expectations on BOTH sides.

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