Archive for ‘Fashion’

May 3, 2011

Want whiter, brighter chompers? Go see my peeps!

Contributed by DJ

I had a fabulous experience gettting my teeth whitened.  They are not chicklet white.  They are just a natural white – like before I found coffee white!

I must admit, I was rather reserved about a FREE teeth bleaching experience.  I mean, my dentist wants $300, so how on earth can I get it FREE??? OK, so here is the scoop.  It was part of a trial.  I am pretty cool with being a guinea pig.  I can’t tell you how many times I have “modeled” for hair color and cuts at a beauty school.  I met a fabulous team!

It’s a blast – you get to wear safety glasses and be under a blue light, but NOT be shopping at Kmart.  Does it really get any cooler than that?  Give my pals a call and get your teeth bleached for only $99!!!!

April 27, 2011

A crime of fashion…

Contributed by DJ

I want to raise public awareness about crimes against fashion.  It goes without saying, just because you can squeeze into it (breathing optional) does not mean you should leave the house in it.  There are so many to be cited, that I will dish them out a little at a time – here are your Humpday five… 

Let’s get started on our PSA…

Crime #1: Prison Pants – aka boxers up, jeans at half mast – usually mid-thigh.  What the hell!  I have no idea if these jackoffs know how stupid they look or not.  Let’s enlighten them – it started as a code in PRISON.  Yep, the clink.  If your wore your drawers low, you were looking to be a bitch.  Come to think of it, the fashion statement makes sense – have you seen these idiots???

Crime #2:  The Fannypack – ’nuff said

Crime #3:  The “Belly” Shirt – Where to begin.  If you wear a 5x, you need to shop at a big girl/boy store.  No more A&F for you, my fluffy friend.  There is NO EXCUSE for your belly to be longer than your shirt.  No one is turned on by it.  Not even a chubby chaser.  Here is the most exercise I can force upon you:  Get dressed.  Stand in front of a mirror.  Raise both arms at the same time.  Can you see belly below the shirt?  If so, change your shirt.  If this happens to all of your shirts, it’s time to go get shirts that fit your body, not your mind.  I’m doing this out of love…

Crime #4:  The Muffin Top – Please, just buy pants that fit.  There is no excuse for looking like you are cutting yourself in half.

Crime #5:  Mesh Anything – Why bother?  We can totally see through it, idiot!  No one wants to see your moobs.  You are usually wearing Jorts and have a mullet if your are sporting a mesh tank.  Not sexy.  Wasn’t in the 80’s won’t ever be.

April 26, 2011

Waxing Poetic…

Contributed by DJ

I have always wondered why we wax. Seriously – why have your hair brutally ripped out. I know, I know, no razor burn, convenience, etc. I have heard people say it’s relaxing. LIARS!
In a haste to have silky smooth legs, in a complete lapse of judgment, I asked my little Asian nail tech if waxing hurt. She “No – it no hurt, I do real good. You wax now?” I opted to make an appointment for the weekend. I brought along a good friend as she was getting her nails done, and was curious about it. She really just wanted to watch the show. Holy hell, we have all seen 40 Year Old Virgin, right. I can tell you, that is EXACTLY how it feels. I wanted to cry. I think I might have. My friend laughed so hard she almost peed herself, and she made me promise that I would bring her to every waxing appointment.
I am convinced a man or one sadistic woman created the procedure. Just shave – it’s kinder.